Guest Post by K Vee (#5)
Subject: java jive (turkey)
The chicken souvlaki was sufficiently dry, gray and tasteless - on par for an overpriced greek diner. it's a necessary evil on way to the night's highlight, a good cup of coffee and some lighthearted palaver besmirching the many people "i've had it up to here with" with my perpetually pissed off old lady. but what was this muddy fluid that clung to the sides of my mug? perhaps there was a simple misunderstanding in which the english-challenged waiter thought I asked him to have a tiny baby crap in a cup? how accommodating! like a child who unwraps a six pack of tube socks under a christmas tree, i hung my head in utter disappointment. i stared at this muck and could only wonder; when will things change?
The chicken souvlaki was sufficiently dry, gray and tasteless - on par for an overpriced greek diner. it's a necessary evil on way to the night's highlight, a good cup of coffee and some lighthearted palaver besmirching the many people "i've had it up to here with" with my perpetually pissed off old lady. but what was this muddy fluid that clung to the sides of my mug? perhaps there was a simple misunderstanding in which the english-challenged waiter thought I asked him to have a tiny baby crap in a cup? how accommodating! like a child who unwraps a six pack of tube socks under a christmas tree, i hung my head in utter disappointment. i stared at this muck and could only wonder; when will things change?
Guest Post by K Vee (#4)
Subject: who you calling dummy, dummy?
I don't know if i have a doorbell as i have had no visitors in 3 yrs. ("make friends" remains unchecked on my to-do list). i do know that the front door has a ferocious slam reminiscent of a howitzer. my old lady used it last night to express her displeasure with certain workplace shenanigans. Raging about her perfidious co-workers, i battled my unrelenting apathy and feigned a look of disgust that apparently did not measure up to her indignation. declaring that i was, "just like everyone else!" she suddenly hushed and burned through me with a wild-eyed gaze. suddenly, i felt like the undersized, gimpy zebra that falls behind the main herd on the way to being eaten on the Discovery Channel. before she could pounce, i bundled up and set off into the chilly dark to see just how slick the black ice is on Atlantic Ave. Ans: Very. getting back up on my feet, i quickly scanned the scene and was relieved to know that no one had witnessed my hapless topple. or had they? these creepy guys were staring out the window of the antique store where i had my spill...
I don't know if i have a doorbell as i have had no visitors in 3 yrs. ("make friends" remains unchecked on my to-do list). i do know that the front door has a ferocious slam reminiscent of a howitzer. my old lady used it last night to express her displeasure with certain workplace shenanigans. Raging about her perfidious co-workers, i battled my unrelenting apathy and feigned a look of disgust that apparently did not measure up to her indignation. declaring that i was, "just like everyone else!" she suddenly hushed and burned through me with a wild-eyed gaze. suddenly, i felt like the undersized, gimpy zebra that falls behind the main herd on the way to being eaten on the Discovery Channel. before she could pounce, i bundled up and set off into the chilly dark to see just how slick the black ice is on Atlantic Ave. Ans: Very. getting back up on my feet, i quickly scanned the scene and was relieved to know that no one had witnessed my hapless topple. or had they? these creepy guys were staring out the window of the antique store where i had my spill...
Guest Post by K Vee (#3)
This bit of wintry anapamorphism rubbed me in a most unpleasant fashion. some guy looked out the window and instead of seeing the perpetualy raw, open wound that is brooklyn, there lay a pristine pool of plush white snow. a fluffy respite from the daily grime. this jackass' 1st thought? "I'm gonna pound this sh*t into something that looks like me!" you know i've always been politically agnostic when it comes to snowmen, freddy. but the sight of this monstrous perversion of nature has seared the cockles of my misanthropic heart. i am now firmly ensconced in the party of "No!"
Guest Post by K Vee (#2)
Subject: Snow
Thought it would be fun to walk home from gym in the snow. Big mistake. A blanket of fat, wet, heavy flakes buried the streets, cars, passers-by, me and any visibility beyond my nose. After an 1hr 1/2 struggle I arrived home frozen and starved. The only thing to eat is Entemann's Guava Cheese Puffs. Huh? My old lady is from Panama and loves this tropical crap. Banana bread is as exotic as I get. She knows this and yet I'm staring at a guava cheese puff. Crazy bitch.
Thought it would be fun to walk home from gym in the snow. Big mistake. A blanket of fat, wet, heavy flakes buried the streets, cars, passers-by, me and any visibility beyond my nose. After an 1hr 1/2 struggle I arrived home frozen and starved. The only thing to eat is Entemann's Guava Cheese Puffs. Huh? My old lady is from Panama and loves this tropical crap. Banana bread is as exotic as I get. She knows this and yet I'm staring at a guava cheese puff. Crazy bitch.
Guest Post by K Vee (#1)
Subject: Callas
With the utmost respect to Sir Benny Hill, Charlie Callas was the funniest funnyman of all time. The outpouring of grief around the world is a testament to this fact. That said, I am surprised at how hard my Egyptian friends are taking it. My documentary, "Charlie & Chubby: Two Men Who Changed the World" will suffer w/o an interview with Callas. Gotta nail down a sit down with Chubby Checker b4 he checks out. These megastars r not easy to reach.
With the utmost respect to Sir Benny Hill, Charlie Callas was the funniest funnyman of all time. The outpouring of grief around the world is a testament to this fact. That said, I am surprised at how hard my Egyptian friends are taking it. My documentary, "Charlie & Chubby: Two Men Who Changed the World" will suffer w/o an interview with Callas. Gotta nail down a sit down with Chubby Checker b4 he checks out. These megastars r not easy to reach.
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